First Encounters.

The new interest. All the butterflies, all the preconceived notions. What will happen? What should you feel? How should act? Still feeling doubt from a former lover, you still head in like a champ. The awkward smiles at dinner, the subtle nature of your smile. You're nervous, even trembling inside, but you still sit there looking pretty. Who knows if this could go somewhere. Maybe this could be the one. All the craziness running through your mind. You sit there and ask yourself "what is wrong with me?", it's too early to plan the future, but it feels so right. You sit there with a civil war going on in your mental, is he like all the rest? After that long kiss good night, you're left stuck in a daze. The long and cute text messages after the encounter. Butterflies is all you feel. All the emotions your body is going through. You want him just as bad as he wants you. The little lip bite, to the lick of his lips that he continuously does. Just let me go is all you can say. The frame of his face, to his style of his dress; you want him! "Baby, its just our first date" we both utter. The mannerism he displays as he stops, a kiss to the forehead to end the night. Date number two awaits. 

E.V.O.L

Unequivocally in love. This stage is something that is both frightening and exciting. Going from heartache, abuse and giving up in all; someone just shows up unexpectedly and changes your views. Not everything is perfect. The arguing, the making up, the good days and the bad; it can be overwhelming. Its almost like you take it for granted sometimes because it seems so unreal. Every other aspect of like is crazy and you look to that part as a scapegoat to release some of those pressures. When you're tired, you're tired, but giving up is not the answer. Would that person do that to you? Could that person do that to you? Caring about someone and falling in love and allowing someone to carry a piece of your heart is scary. This life is stressful, and no one really knows the truth of what goes on with you. You sit there and smile and assure everyone you're alright because you're the backbone. Almost crying inside, this cannot be life sometimes. The many goals and aspirations one has in life to fulfill. The hurdles and obstacle you have to go through to reach euphoria is what no one speaks of. But this isn't about depression, this isn't about being sad, its just the inner emotions battling in ones head daily.

Unitled.

Deceit, selfishness, doubt, pain, emotions, anger, frustration, scared, melancholy, exhaustion, bitterness, confusion, clouded judgment, the lows and the highs. Why do you feel so sad and at the same time relieved from the mockery you were being made of. The secretiveness, the subliminal messages, was it even worth the second trial? The deciphering of emotions to an emotion less soul. At the end of the day one is left to feel as if it was all a game. All the promises and whispers made to one another during moments of passion, moments of anger. The words that were said, were they really how you felt? Did we really mean them? The one sided feelings, the feeling of being alone, when in fact you're truly with another person. Now they're gone, more than you can feel. The feeling of being cold, life must go on. Different issues and inner demons battling in your mind. No one assumes anything is wrong due to the strong willed nature of your character. Only to be alone in a dark room feeling as if the twists and turns life is giving you is just for pretend. Life and all its spirals. We're just lucky that we still have these lives that we're so ungrateful for at times. Again, it all sums up to still dealing with the issue at hand. You assume if you lost yourself in love, it would be reciprocated back. True love can never really forsake you. A paralyzing fear of failing at it again, refusing to let go. Now as you sit there feeling as if you wasted time, so hurt, so angry; you still want it back. How can someone who sung the same feelings of love back to you just throw it all away? How can someone who said they loved you be so hurtful? How can they just utter such disgusting words about the one they promised to? The submissive trait that one carries in their soul somehow always seems to get hurt. You believe being dominant can scream crazy. Of coarse you were a good person, but no is is perfect. This time around, it's time to be selfish. Can't say I never loved you. My pride was all I had, but it was taken away and bruised along with the love I had for you....