Can't hold me down.

Have you ever felt like you're at a point where you've been defeated. Defeated in the sense that things are not going the way they should, and no matter how hard you work against the constant doubt and the hindering of the bad, you just can't seem to pull through? Well, that is the way I have been feeling lately. I'm the type of person who always sees the bad in situations. That is the pessimist in me. With having that trait, the negativity or doubt in a situation seems to come forth before I can truly see the good in it. With having a pessimistic nature, I also am a realist. I see things as they really are. In this world that we live in, sometimes the good out ways the bad. With all dreams and ambitions one has, how could you not. The strive for success is something that one should have. A hustlers spirit is what I call it. But when things start moving at a slow pace, that is when the defeat starts to crawl into that spirit and try to bring you down. No matter how much it tries to enter your life, you must not allow it to succeed. Whatever you go through, good or bad, you have to be able to fight for your way to the top. Fight in the sense that nothing can ever bring your spirits down. Ambition is the key.

New Prospective's.

The beginning is always the best part when dealing with a new prospective. Everything seems to be in sync and the feelings are mutual. This is what I call the courting faze. When going into a new situation, you always put your best foot forward. The necessary drama is almost non existent because the prospective is still trying to "get in good". There is of course the snickering of outside sources informing you of the pros and cons of the situation like clockwork, but everything is still copastetic. As a scorned individual, the pessimistic nature seems to always sit in the back of your head like a constant tick, telling you to wait for the downfall. When deciding to deal with a new prospective, you tend to always seek an individual who is not like the past. Sometimes you go out looking for an upgraded version, but end up with the same quality as the last. Maybe that person is not as you expect, but who are you to know for sure. Not every human being is necessarily the same, but it seems as if every individual of the same sex seems to sum up to being horrible and calculating. But one should always go into something with the hope that it is not going to turn out to be like the rest. There are in fact good and genuine individuals out there in the world. But if you are someone like myself, those individuals have not shown themselves and one can grow tired. So as you sit there contemplating a situation, you're almost telling yourself that it's not going to be a complete catastrophe. How can it be? Everything is grandeur! My only advice would be to go into something with your thinking cap on. As I've stated before, not every person is the same, but be smart about every situation you put yourself into when dealing with a new prospective. You never know what could happen, maybe that could be the one you can fall unconditionally and irrevocably in love with. Yea, there is sometimes when you don't necessarily want to put yourself out there with the fear or feelings not be reciprocated. That has to be the worst feeling! Being open and honest with your intentions is what one needs to always put out there. How can you expect someone to understand the way you are feeling if you are scared of the outcome. That is where your thinking cap comes into play. If you are in fear of mutual feelings, then maybe you shouldn't have put yourself in the said situation to begin with. Everyone wants to have a mature situation. Mature in the sense that you can be open and realistic about the outcome of things. In all, just be happy and involve yourself in situations where you are going to be happy. Maybe this one could be it, but until then do you. There is not harm in being alone.

These N*ggas Be Acting Up!

Let me just start this off by saying, N*ggas be acting up! For some reason unbeknownst to me, men have a problem with telling the truth. Now they're are women out there who also have a problem with telling the honest truth, but I'm not talking about them in this post. So anyways, the amount of lies or false accounts of situations that come out of the male mouth is at an alarming rate. It has always been a troubling thing to me because, I'm the type of person who feels as if the truth shall always set you free. I rather someone tell me the truth than lie to me and that lie hurts me, plus all the drama that comes along with it. You would think that men would learn that once your stories start to not add up, we as women are on it! Like I expressed in an earlier post, women can turn into an CIA Agent with the snap of a finger. Don't believe me, just think back to a situation you had with a female where your behind got caught...oh okay. But anyhow, fellas, let me just let you in on a little tip, we might appear to be clueless about what is going on, but we know what exactly is going on. Whether we put up with it or not is the real issue. Some women let these n*ggas cheat and act up and can be content with it just for the simple purpose of having a man. That is the dumbest sh*t ever, but to each its own. Now for the female who does not have time, we're not going to put up with it! Once a story starts to not add up, our spidey senses begin to tingle and we're on the investigation! To keep is funky, no man wants their woman to start snooping and acting in a jealous manner, but if you would simply try to contain your lies, and act correctly, I'm pretty sure things will be just great. They're are instances where you might be in a situation we're you are in the beginning of building something or "conversing". The rules still apply here! If you are truly intending on making something with the person, there is no need for false accounts what so ever. Now for those of you who are just sharing bodily fluids for the sole purpose of getting that "cashew", go head with your bad self, I ain't mad at you. But the act of being honest with that person makes things a lot easier and the beginning of problem never begins. We're all adults, we know what makes us tick personally and what we will not put up with. So with this post, fellas, just get it together with the lies, it's never okay to dishonest. 

Communication

Anyone who can hold a conversation with me and arouse my intellect gets an A in my book! Communication in every aspect of your life is a necessity. The type I am discussing is the lack of communication when it comes to dating. Lack of communication has got to be the most irritating thing to me when it comes to dealing with a new or current perspective in my life. Now when I say "prospective", I mean the man or woman to whom you are pursuing or are newly involved with. I've always said and also stressed the fact that without communication, there is nothing. The reason I feel this way is because I am the type of person who loses interest fast. You have to be able to intrigue me and be able to communicate with me and so on. For some reason, it seems as if once the "courting" faze slows down and you take things to the next level,some people at this stage start getting lazy and comfortable with the situation and forget what it takes to keep things at a momentum. Maybe I've been dealing with the wrong kind of people seeing as I'm writing about this, but this is such an important point and topic to me. But anyhow, let me dig a little deeper so y'all can clearly view my point. Communication is so much more than just than spoken words. It is physical and emotional as well. You have to be able to transfer your emotions and thoughts and also be able to absorb your prospective's thoughts and emotions. The art of listening is probably even more important than the art of talking. It can go a long way if you would sit down and listen to your prospective, instead of talking and voicing all of your opinions at once. Don't get me wrong; it is very important that you do voice your opinions. But you must listen to THEIR opinions as well, and take them into consideration. I feel doing this with your prospective is necessary if you want things to go any further or to stay content. Take for instance texting, we all do it, it's a quick and easy way to stay in communication with the people in your life. For example, if it is one thing that kind of ticks me off is when I text my prospective and I don't get a response in a "timely manner". I mean at least confirm that you saw the message. I also know that there are certain circumstances where you are not able to access your phone as well, but you have to show me some effort. I might sound crazy, but that ish irritates me. It almost feels like I'm being thrown shade. I don't have time! Something as simple as a text or phone call or a great conversation on a daily basis can really go a long way in my opinion. Personally,the lack of communication can show the lack of interest in me and I start questioning the situation which entails the loss interest. What is the point of putting yourself out there when the effort you are clearly showing and giving is not reciprocated back? But to each its own. What I view may not be understood or how you feel. But this is my point of view on this topic. 

Pachangas

So I told myself I would write posts every other day, but sometimes you just have to vent about some things, you feel me!? So anyways, it seems like I always get ideas about my posts from the b.s that I either see on Twitter or a situation that I have noticed. This specific post is going to be about these Pachangas out here in this world. If you are not familiar with that word, I suggest you get hip to it. A Pachanga is someone who is traitor or a friend who you are no longer friends with. It comes from the movie Carlito's Way staring Al Pacino. Fabolous also referenced the name and also the definition of the name in his song "Pachanga". "A thug changes, and loves changes, and best friends become strangers, Pachangas". Those kind of people need to to get it together. And for the people who allow these kind of people back into the mix of things, how can you befriend someone who has disrespected you on numerous occasions, or shown "traitor" like behavior? Maybe I'm a different kind of human being, but I believe once you have disrespected me or my loved ones, that is your one-way ticket on my Pachanga list! Some people say "You should forgive your enemies or the people you do not like", Yes, that is all fine and dandy and better said than done in most situations. But anyhow, the older I get, the more certain situations and people don't really faze me and I have learned to try and forgive my enemies or those I hate. But one thing is for certain, there will always be my opinion and dislike for Pachangas. I seriously cannot fathom being fake to people with Pachanga like behavior, I will never be able to. But hey what do I know. Again, this is my OWN opinion and to each it's own...

The story after the storm...

I thought I was going to loose my mind with no power in my house all those days! Yay, I'm back though, like I never left AKAYYY! Anyways, so little Ol' me was on Twitter today and happened to stubble upon some ignorant words some baboo...I mean young man had said about African women and I was actually offended! I NEVER get offended by the sh*t I see on Twitter.... *devilish smirk* Okay, okay, y'all know I always have to out my two cents into certain situations. But anyhow, those words that man was saying about African woman should have been alarming to me, but unfortunately it wasn't. For some reason these African men either living in the U.S or abroad have a sick infatuation with the slander of their own women. This epidemic is so crazy to me because you would think some African men would have the back of their women seeing as Akata (African American) men are always slandering black women. If I'm not mistaken, those same women that are so horrible and deserve nothing but the worse have the same African blood coursing in their veins as their own Mother, sisters, cousins, etc. Can you say those same vulgar words to their faces as well? A couple weeks ago I had posted on my Twitter how I do not want any men from East Africa. My post may have been seen as me generalizing all of the East African men, just as that man had done today with African women. Yes, it may seem hypocritical for me to be arguing with the words this man said, seeing as I did the same thing he did, but I would like to clarify my statement. I may go back and forth with my love/hate for East African men, but in all actuality, I do not slander those men. I may have my dislike for certain qualities that they contain, but how can I truly slander them when the men in my family are those said men as well. Judge me if you want, I'm probably not even going to care, but to each it's own like I always say. Back to the topic at hand. Some woman/women must have hurt that young man for him to be going off like that! I've always said that whatever you post to Twitter is your own opinion and no one else's opinion should matter because in fact it is YOUR Twitter. But for some reason, it has been the new thing to post slander or outlandish words to get attention for more followers or RT count. C'mon with all that man, it's never that serious. To me, Twitter is not real life until you bring real life situations into the mix that deals with my personal life, that is when I go off. Other than that, it's my little leisure time I use when I am bored. My little PSA I would like to address with this post would be the same as any post I create that has to deal with slander. Your opinions will always be null & void if you have ever dealt with the said topic you are slandering. You look stupid and dumb boo boo, and it's not cute. As always, you can take what I say as advice or with a grain of salt, but seriously, this epidemic of hating on your own people has got to end someday! 

Emotions.

Emotions, we all have them whether you are female or a man. Some can openly discuss their feelings, and some cannot. When it comes to a man speaking about his feelings, it is very rare instance. For some reason men feel as if showing their emotions or talking about their feelings shows them as being overly sensitive or weak. Let me just say that is the dumbest sh*t I have ever heard. I can only speak on my behalf, but I believe when you as a man are able to speak about your emotions and the way you feel to the lady you're dealing with, it's a sign of strength. Now I know you're probably like "what the hell is she talmbout"? The reason I say it's a sign of strength is because it takes a real man to be able to speak about his emotions without the feeling of his masculinity being in jeopardy. It shows you are a confident in your being and also trusting in the person you are confiding in. Now they are some females who will walk all over you and your new found "trait". First of all, if a Lady is capable of toying with your emotions, you shouldn't have been dealing with her in the first place. You should do your research into the person you're dealing with before anything ever goes further. Now they are men who are naturally "overly sensitive", I recognize you and acknowledge you. What I want you to know is, no one wants a push over. It's dope to have a man who can be sensitive, but stop allowing the wrong kind of female to walk all over you, it's not a good look. That's how the never ending circle begins.

Now I know this is where all the men will say collectively, "See, females don't want a soft man". Not every female feels the same way as I do! The qualities in a man that I like, someone might find grotesque, to each it's own. But I feel if men could just simply be open to a woman he trusts or dealing with, I believe the never ending circle would start to diminish. But what do I know. #ForeverAlone :)

Slander.

If it's one thing I cannot stand, it is when an ex speaks ill of you once things have gone sour. Oh my goodness, it irks my SOUL!!! Once upon a time, y'all were happy and "perfect" in the relationship. I call it "The Beginning Stage". You know what I mean, the cute text messages, long phone calls, the constant communication, the "butterflies", etc. Now I'm not stating that every relationship necessarily starts like that, but it's pretty damn accurate in my book! Somewhere along the line ish gets real and the once happy couple begin the lack of communication and also the arguing. Some couples can work through it, and some cannot. At this stage, that is when he starts showing his behind and she is constantly on his neck about. The "CIA Agent" trait in a female commences, and the snooping around of the male as well. Fast forward, now the once happy couple are not together anymore and the slandering of that female begins to manifest. I don't know if it's an ego thing in a male, or insecurity, I just know that for some reason it's some how "cool" to slander someone you once loved or was with. So, these are my thoughts on this new "fad". That same female you are talking ill about, is the same female you were whispering sweet nothings to, the same one you were sexing, the same one you promised to never hurt, and finally, the same one you said you loved. Now, this doesn't make any sense to me to be honest. I believe once a man has been all up in your goodies, the slander is null & void! (This is my OWN opinion). Now ladies, you are not off the hook! We are also horrible when it comes to dishing out about the ex. The "Oh that man ain't ish", "He's not even that cute", "His member was small anyways", "He is wack", or "He is broke". LADIES, how can you say all those things and you stuck by that man's side and dealt with it!? Obviously it wasn't that bad! Yes, I am guilty of dishing out slander, I am no angel in any form. But as I get older, and reminisce on the previous relationships I have been in and the word vomit that came out my mouth, I realized that speaking ill about an ex gets you no where and it makes you look ridiculous. Now I hope this post will make you sit back and realize, everyone at one point has been guilty of slandering. 

Changes...

So I haven't been on here in a while. This world wind of a life I live has taken me into different phases. But the past is the past and I am on to bigger and better things. I have recently decided to switch careers. A BIG deal for me. I was in school for Nursing and I just fell out of love with the whole concept of being a nurse; or what I can really say is, I lost passion in the field. Being in an African household, there are certain careers/fields your parents have set for you to choose from, that could be Law, Medicine or Engineering. Growing up my father wanted me to become a Lawyer because of my argumentative nature, but it just never interested me at all. So the next thing would gradually be Nursing because I don't know the first thing about Engineering if it bit me in the butt to be honest. I can say 90% of my family is in the medicine field. In no way am I downplaying the Medicine field, it is a lucrative field to enter and you are almost guaranteed a job once you graduate seeing as people are always going to need healthcare. That is the reason why I decided to enter the field in the first place. But Missy had other dreams and aspirations. (Yes I just used third person!) See my god given skill is Hair and Make-up. Yes I am a girly girl and I love every aspect of the Cosmetology field. So getting back to the topic of this post, I have decided to "postpone" my Nursing education/career to pursue my Cosmetology career full time. Along with my career change, I am contemplating whether or not to start a YouTube vlog dealing with hair, make-up, beauty, fashion, life, etc. There are many vlogs already dealing with those said topics, but I feel I can put a spin and a different take of those topics on my vlog.  I am a YouTube fiend, I could honestly stay on YouTube all day, so that is where I guess you can say I got the idea to start my own vlog. But anyways, I most likely will finish up my schooling for Nursing part time seeing as I have a year left. I like nice things, and my nice things cost a lot, so I will probably need to work as a Nurse or a Medical Assistant (which I am now) to fund my new career and also my "nice things habit". I am super excited and also nervous. This is a big deal and I know now I can be finally happy and get rid of my complacent ways. So look out for my vlog and also look out for me, I might be in a salon styling near you soon! 

First Encounters.

The new interest. All the butterflies, all the preconceived notions. What will happen? What should you feel? How should act? Still feeling doubt from a former lover, you still head in like a champ. The awkward smiles at dinner, the subtle nature of your smile. You're nervous, even trembling inside, but you still sit there looking pretty. Who knows if this could go somewhere. Maybe this could be the one. All the craziness running through your mind. You sit there and ask yourself "what is wrong with me?", it's too early to plan the future, but it feels so right. You sit there with a civil war going on in your mental, is he like all the rest? After that long kiss good night, you're left stuck in a daze. The long and cute text messages after the encounter. Butterflies is all you feel. All the emotions your body is going through. You want him just as bad as he wants you. The little lip bite, to the lick of his lips that he continuously does. Just let me go is all you can say. The frame of his face, to his style of his dress; you want him! "Baby, its just our first date" we both utter. The mannerism he displays as he stops, a kiss to the forehead to end the night. Date number two awaits. 

E.V.O.L

Unequivocally in love. This stage is something that is both frightening and exciting. Going from heartache, abuse and giving up in all; someone just shows up unexpectedly and changes your views. Not everything is perfect. The arguing, the making up, the good days and the bad; it can be overwhelming. Its almost like you take it for granted sometimes because it seems so unreal. Every other aspect of like is crazy and you look to that part as a scapegoat to release some of those pressures. When you're tired, you're tired, but giving up is not the answer. Would that person do that to you? Could that person do that to you? Caring about someone and falling in love and allowing someone to carry a piece of your heart is scary. This life is stressful, and no one really knows the truth of what goes on with you. You sit there and smile and assure everyone you're alright because you're the backbone. Almost crying inside, this cannot be life sometimes. The many goals and aspirations one has in life to fulfill. The hurdles and obstacle you have to go through to reach euphoria is what no one speaks of. But this isn't about depression, this isn't about being sad, its just the inner emotions battling in ones head daily.

Unitled.

Deceit, selfishness, doubt, pain, emotions, anger, frustration, scared, melancholy, exhaustion, bitterness, confusion, clouded judgment, the lows and the highs. Why do you feel so sad and at the same time relieved from the mockery you were being made of. The secretiveness, the subliminal messages, was it even worth the second trial? The deciphering of emotions to an emotion less soul. At the end of the day one is left to feel as if it was all a game. All the promises and whispers made to one another during moments of passion, moments of anger. The words that were said, were they really how you felt? Did we really mean them? The one sided feelings, the feeling of being alone, when in fact you're truly with another person. Now they're gone, more than you can feel. The feeling of being cold, life must go on. Different issues and inner demons battling in your mind. No one assumes anything is wrong due to the strong willed nature of your character. Only to be alone in a dark room feeling as if the twists and turns life is giving you is just for pretend. Life and all its spirals. We're just lucky that we still have these lives that we're so ungrateful for at times. Again, it all sums up to still dealing with the issue at hand. You assume if you lost yourself in love, it would be reciprocated back. True love can never really forsake you. A paralyzing fear of failing at it again, refusing to let go. Now as you sit there feeling as if you wasted time, so hurt, so angry; you still want it back. How can someone who sung the same feelings of love back to you just throw it all away? How can someone who said they loved you be so hurtful? How can they just utter such disgusting words about the one they promised to? The submissive trait that one carries in their soul somehow always seems to get hurt. You believe being dominant can scream crazy. Of coarse you were a good person, but no is is perfect. This time around, it's time to be selfish. Can't say I never loved you. My pride was all I had, but it was taken away and bruised along with the love I had for you....